Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Holy shit dude........stairs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
