My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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