You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I love you.
Bad choice
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
