Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
