Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we're so committed to being not committed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
