Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
