I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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