I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize