just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
