You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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