I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
