Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
