"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think my moral compass just broke
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
