i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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