It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
