roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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