is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
