Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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