she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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