and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize