I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
