I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
