This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
