I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize