I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
