Are we in a gay sports bar?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
