okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
