i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
why is half of my head shaved?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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