I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize