I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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