Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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