Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
