New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
