i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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