I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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