I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
