I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
