so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
