he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
