For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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