there's paper in my vomit.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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