i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
