he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize