it glows. i had to have it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
