I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i've created a new STD.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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