i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
