my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
