You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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