Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
