You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
