Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
