i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize