Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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