I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love you. Go after that dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
