True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
