Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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