Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
