That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
smell my finger.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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