It's just like the Real World with babies
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
