I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yo dont text me then not text me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
