Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
