wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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