and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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