I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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