Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
