I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
