I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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